Dear Lucy: Should I have killed the mouse in the office?
By Lucy Kellaway
Published: March 24 2010 02:00 | Last updated: March 24 2010 02:00
Yesterday I caught a mouse that was wandering sluggishly in the vicinity of my desk. I managed to get it into a plastic bag, whereupon there was a great dispute among colleagues over what to do with it. The consensus was to release it into the street outside. But mice are vermin and it was obviously right to kill it, so I stamped on the bag to give a merciful death. Now it seems I have made enemies of everyone. They variously think I am cruel and anti-democratic. Am I missing something or was I in the wrong?
Journalist, male, 39
Lucy's answer
There are two questions here. Was it right to kill the mouse? And should one take any notice of what one's colleagues think?
The first answer is yes. Obviously. Mice are disgusting. And if this one was staggering it was probably disease-ridden. To kill it quickly rather than let it suffocate slowly in the bag was doing it a kindness. The stamping was perhaps a bit brutal - especially if you jumped up and down on it in full view of everyone - but the principle was right.
The second question is a bit more difficult, given that people appear to feel even more strongly about animals than about religion or the royal family. How often do your colleagues start discussing the ill-treatment of a human? Not often, I'm assuming.
Yet the fate of a small creature with a tail that eats your biscuits and leaves droppings on your desk touches their hearts and muddles their minds.
But even so, the mouse belonged to you, because you caught it. It doesn't sound as if you solicited your colleagues' views; they simply weighed in. Therefore, it was up to you to do as you saw fit. Without fear or favour, you did what you believed to be right. You stamped on a mouse. This suggests you have just the right moral fibre to be a great journalist.
I think you've also just demonstrated leadership potential - in that you are clearly logical, ruthless and insensitive. Your mistake was to be so blatant. In modern corporations the firm smack of leadership is needed just as much as it always was, but we have lost our appetite for the sound of the smack.
You should have taken the bag away, let your colleagues think you were releasing it outside, gone into the men's toilets and stamped on it, while flushing the loo to cover any unpleasant sound effects of mouse underfoot.
It is conceivable that through your bravery you may even have picked an argument with the law. On the UK version of the reality television show "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here" last year, contestants killed and ate a rat - and the broadcaster was found guilty and fined for cruelty to animals.
So far no lawyers have come to me asking awkward questions. I shall, of course, protect my sources if they do.
Your advice
Stop showing off
Let me guess: you killed the mouse to show off, thinking that would impress the females. Unfortunately, they thought: "what a brute". The other males, who were secretly watching the females, sided with them, pretending they would never do such a terrible thing. The lesson: don't show off. A little humanity goes a long way.
Biologist, female
They need help
Can you organise counselling for your poor, sensitive colleagues? What on earth happens when someone swats a fly? I would imagine it's smelling salts all round and group hugs to get over the trauma. Passing the mouse (in a plastic bag) to the department responsible for maintenance is clearly best, especially since in the time it would take them to deal with it the mouse would have asphyxiated anyway. And (in management) it's best not to take a vote on things if you care about the outcome of the vote.
Manager, female, 34
Come to our house
You have the most amazing reflexes. Please come round to our house and kill our mice. Many of our friends would love your services, too. This could be the start of a new career - with fewer moral qualms than journalism.
Fund manager, 55
Organise a wake
Organise a wake complete with wreaths and a framed picture of a mouse with a black ribbon across the top. Either they will think it's silly and stop complaining or they will love you for it.
VP, female
Mice are hazardous
You aren't missing anything; your detractors are - mice carry fleas, which can spread diseases. They contaminate our cupboards with urine and excrement, and they gnaw wiring, which can cause a fire hazard.
Director of non-profit, Female
Corporate pimping
When I was in sixth grade, a mouse appeared in our classroom. Everyone, including the teacher, jumped up on their chairs in a panic, except for one boy who captured it with his bare hands, expertly holding it with thumb atop its neck so it couldn't bite him. He then jubilantly announced that the mouse would be his pet snake's next meal. As I recall, there was no objection from his amazed and relieved classmates.
Anon, male
Can I unseat my useless boss?
I have a new boss who is totally clueless about the business though is very media savvy and has a high profile. For the time being she needs me as her deputy as I keep the show on the road, but as soon as she has found her feet I have no doubt that she will fire me.
The company owners have fallen for her charm and image, but I am wondering if there is anything I can do to unseat her and bring on an early departure before she ruins the company.
